Seriously, all I want to do is sleep, and I can't. Insomnia fascinates and frustrates me. It's so bizarre to want something so desperately and yet have it be so completely unattainable. I have been awake since 2:30 and it's now 4:30. I went to bed so exhausted. I have a big day at work and this is not helping.
To demonstrate how random the thoughts are that keep me up, here's a quick running list as I lay on the couch attempting to will myself back to sleep:
It's taking a few minutes to get the thoughts going. Maybe I shouldn't encourage them. Maybe this is a positive sign that my brain is currently free from randomness and could actually focus on falling back asleep. Maybe it's trying to lure me back to bed only to rev up the minute my head hits the pillow and then torture me so. Nope, here they come:
*Do I have time and the energy to make Ella's birthday invitations? Do I really need to make invitations if we're doing a low key birthday celebration? Should I really send invites if it's primarily family? Can't I just send an email with the details? If I do that, does that take away from her birthday or reflect poorly on how special we think it is? Have kids birthdays got a bit out of hand?
*Did I really need that second cookie last night? I told the girls only one cookie, but then stole another one after we all changed in our pajamas. Shame on me.
*Should we start officially potty training Ella? She's practically requesting a new diaper after each time she's wet and she's willing to attempt to change herself if you won't do it. It's quite the site to have your child run down the hall with her pants around her knees, with her naked bottom peeking out from her shirt and her diaper in one outstretched hand as she requests a wipe. She asked me to change her as we rocked last night (yes, I'm actually got the chance to rock her a few nights this week.) I opted not to because we had just put a fresh diaper on. Am I sending mixed signals? Was I being too lazy?
*I need to get my haircut. It's getting way too long and my drying time is increasing.
*Did I get the load of reds in the dryer?
*Why is Yoshi so annoying? Why can't he be a dog instead? Will we ever have the type of schedule where we could have a dog?
*What's on tap for this week? What are we going to eat this week? Ugh, I have to make a grocery store run. Why do I hate the grocery store so much?
*Did I pass my gestational diabetes test? As my doc says, no news is good news, so hopefully, I didn't fail.
*Why do women battle insomnia more then men?
It's almost 5 am. I promised myself I would try again at 5 to fall back asleep if only for an hour. Wish me luck.