Balance

Balance is the new word of my day, month, year and life -- at least for right now. I firmly believe that all moms, not just working moms, struggle with balance. I also believe the majority of us rarely achieve a regular, harmonious and continuous balance in our lives. Are there days when we (moms) feel like we are keeping our proverbial tray upright and steady? Of course. In those days, we feel strong, empowered and confident. Other days, we feel like we have two left hands, unable to meet any one's demands, needs or requests, much less our own. Right now, I feel like I am a clumsy waitress who is new on the job, and no matter how hard I try, I am failing miserably to satisfy anyone, and it's starting to exhaust me.

Some may say, if I didn't work, then I wouldn't have so much to balance. I disagree. I think while the plate of SAHMs may contain different items, all moms struggle with identity and the various roles we hold.

I love being a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, coworker, and ME. I most certainly do not want to relinquish any of those roles, so I figure I need to give myself a pass or perhaps lower my standards, neither which is likely. (Let's also not forget the importance of putting yourself first once in awhile.) It's hard when I feel like I'm not doing anything well. Do my husband and children know how incredibly crazy I am about them? Do I do enough to show them how special they are to me? Am I too serious? Have I forgotten how to let loose and let go? Do my friends know how much I miss them? There are so many friends I need to reconnect and meet up to hear how life is for them. (Thank god for facebook, twitter and blogs, so I at least am given a glimpse in their lives.) Can I get the resources necessary at work, so I don't feel like I am set up to fail? As with all my lists, this one goes on and on....

I know. I know. I will never be able to proudly announce that my life's to-do list is completed because life is a journey and blah, blah, blah. I get it. I need to be easier on myself, but right now I feel like I am on the right train, wrong track. I am desperately trying to get back on the right track, which brings me back to balance. I have no answer to this struggle. I do take solace in the fact that so many friends, other parents and coworkers struggle with balance. So for now, I pledge to focus on the things and those that matter most and to be easier on myself (which in itself, is a balancing act).

On a more upbeat note, today was my birthday and various friends and family members certainly made me feel special and loved. So tonight, those warm feelings and my hubby will lull me to dream land.