There She Blows

Poop flies. Quite far and quite fast. I didn't know this until last night. I got a quick lesson in the speed of poop when it's propelled by some mighty potent gas. Ella's gas acts a turbo booster. Now if we could only harness this as an alternative to rising fuel costs.

It started as a typical diaper change after a bowel moment. She was content, her diaper was messy and stinky. I had a clean diaper positioned underneath the dirty one, and I was trying to work quickly. My left hand held her legs in the air. The right cleaned her up. I paused for one quick second to brush hair out of my face. I'm right handed, so naturally I used that hand. When in that second, Ella finished cleaning out her intestines and she let one fly. Oh my, what a site! And what a mess! Her uncles would have been so proud.

I let out a blood curdling scream. I had never seen runny BMs fly in front of my face. Her poop easily traveled four feet before landing on the diaper stack and dripping down to the carpet. She also coated everything in between -- picture frames, wipe box, toys, changing table, changing pad. My loud and shocked reaction didn't startle Ella -- she was completely content. Mike raced up to the stairs to find me still holding her legs in the air while laughing so hard I couldn't make a noise. It didn't take him long to surmise the situation. He was a little bewildered, but sprung into action cleaning everything.

What a memorable evening. It's one I'll never forget, but one I hope to never repeat. I even have photos of the poop-stained carpet, so I can tease Ella about this incident for years to come. Maybe now is the time to consider a shorter hairdo.